My friend, Paul, just celebrated his birthday last friday. We were in the same barkada (which we call "kolokoy") during my college years…Some members of the original kolokoy were also present. I call it original because as the years have passed, a lot of people became part of the group (new friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, mistresses..haha) while others became outcasts…dismembered (they will still be forever embedded in our jokes, i mean hearts).
Anyway, as always, when friends gather together after a long time of not seeing each other, we tend to reminisce on old times…there was one point in our conversation that hit me hard… Paul told me, "Pres, eto na ung 5 years from now natin noon.."
Looking back, it’s kinda hard not to get teary-eyed when i remember all the good and not so good times we had as a group. It’s nostalgic really…just someone mentioning a place that we used to hang-out to or things we used to do…There are times when i wish we could all go back, to the "5 years ago" coz life was simpler then. But there is also that overwhelming sense of pride that i felt as we were about to part ways. We were all grown-up now..whatever that means…
Looking forward to another 5 years….
Exactly 20 more days and it’s my birthday again……Im starting to experience the so-called birthday or should i say pre-birthday blues. I have tried rationalizing the experience and this is what i came up with so far….
First obvious fact: i’ll be one year older. I know i’m still young considering im just 20+ (let’s not get into specifics) but sometimes i get the feeling that there are some things that i am too old for. Society dictates that people should act their age. At some point i do agree…esp when i see oldies (ang sama noh?) trying too hard to look young and ending up looking like sumthing else or people who are really immature despite of the obvious, should i say advancement in age (u guys know what i mean).. . but it’s also not a good thing in a sense that i feel that somewhere along the way, i have lost the child in me….(mind you, its childlike, not childish)…the idealist in me, the dreamer, the innocence (if indeed i had one..hehe!), the part in me wherein i still believe the good in everyone. This is really a time wherein everything is acceptable as long as the majority is doing it. This is also the age wherein everything is "instant"…everything is fast-paced…
Anyway…going back… 2nd reason: birthdays give us time to assess our life…our accomplishments, failures, and the dreaded future….basically it’s depressing for me coz i feel that no matter what i do, it’s still not enough. No matter what i have become, career-wise or how i have changed and hopefully matured as a person….it will never be enough. call it human nature (our insatiable thirst for more), or on a positive light, call it the pursuit for excellence.
what else? for "singles" like me…. it is a little bit depressing without that "special someone" to share your birthday with. Of course we have friends and family but i don’t know how to explain it really….there’s that feeling that something or in this case, someone is missing… personally, this is actually the first time in years that i’ll be celebrating my birthday being single..i guess, im just not used to it. it’s exciting and depressing at the same time.
whatever the reasons are for these birthday blues….i guess it’s a good thing that it only comes once a year… can’t imagine being like this quaterly or monthly…ughhh!
Friday na!!!! Technically it’s saturday already but what the hell….the important thing is that i get to supposedly relax and enjoy two days of rest (rest nga ba?!!!). Looking back, i can’t believe that im 20+ years old na (let’s not go into specifics..hehe). Although i don’t feel like it but you’ll start realizing just how old you are when: 1. you’re friends are getting married (if they are not married already) 2. you sometimes get confused about how old you really are (coz u keep on lying…usually subtracting a yr or 2, sometimes even more) 3. people address you as ma’am or sir…or even worse, manang & manong!! (hope that never happens to me..i might kill somebody) 4. can’t cheat jeepney drivers anymore into paying just 6php 5.chikahan topics before was about boys & school..now it’s still about boys but you also talk about bills, taxes, salary..ugghh!!! 6.before you’re parents always give you lengthy sermons about finishing your studies 1st…now, it’s "you’re not getting any younger sermons" and how they would like to have grandchildren (give me about 5 more yrs dad!)…how time flies. At least no one can object into me saying that i’m still young………………at heart! =)
Just one more hour….uwian na!!!! people at my office are so excited about the weekend…our energy levels are really high…it’s high when it comes to kalokohan, making smart-assed comments, and just laughing our hearts out.hehe!!! like what we always say "it’s an art"…..you know…the art of pretending to be really busy when in reality you’re petix. =)
It’s my first time to write here, "my christening"….think it’s kinda weird, in a way…sharing your thoughts…d way you percieve the world…but it satisfies a basic need that most of us tend to forget…"the need to understand and most esp. the need to be understood"…..so kudos to everyone!!!!
